MelissaRoshan

How did you get connected with The Fatherless Daughter Project?

I got connected through a film production company (Giving Films) that was inspired by my story and thought I would be a great fit.

Can you tell us in a few sentences about your personal story of father loss?

My truth can be a little jarring to some, but there’s still beauty in the story.  At 13.5 years old, my mother was brutally raped by a man resulting in the conception of me.  She lived in the foster-care system at the time, and there wasn’t any protection for her rights.  With the man being 50 plus years old, she kept his identity a secret (for whatever reason), and as a result, I grew up without knowing him.  Later in my life, I made the decision to meet him as part of my healing journey, and I told him I forgave him for what he’d done to my mother and for not being there for me.  He was tragically killed a year later in a vehicular accident.

What has been the biggest challenge being fatherless?

All of the holidays came, and went.  They used to serve as a reminder that both of my parents weren’t present.  I missed out on all of the things we didn’t get to do like learning to change a tire or ride a bike, being bounced on his knee or being lectured, listening to guy advice or learning how to pick the right guy. I just didn’t have a male figure to instill the type of strength that only a good father can.

What has helped you to survive?

I wanted to survive more than I wanted to be broken. Even though at times I wanted to give up, I knew there was a beautiful life to be had for me, and if I continued to stand, forgive, and hang on, I could attain that life.

Is there a special person(s) in your life that has helped you find healing?

In lieu of a father, I’ve been given a whole slew of “Spirit Brothers” that love me and help me grow.  Additionally, I have a couple of older male figures in my life that love me just as a father might.  And though it isn’t completely the same, I’m grateful they’re there.  If we focus on what we don’t have then we are never going to have enough or even be enough.

Where do you shine?

Despite never being shown how to love or how to parent, I shine as an advocate to youth/brokenhearted and as a parent.  For every negative traumatic experience I was exposed to, I make a conscience decision to love and parent the exact opposite.  Gratefully, it shows in the lives of my two children and those my life has directly impacted.

What would you tell your younger self?

I would say, “MelRo, Dear.  You are not the things that happen to you.  They’re only part of your narrative, but you’re free now.  You can change your narrative to be one that is rich in healthiness and beauty. Live according to your worth and value.  Stop looking for love that is already tucked inside of you.  Oh, and Darling, stop looking for Daddy in the men you date.  They aren’t that, but God is.”

If you could have a theme song, what would it be?

Ha! It depends on the day.  At the time of this article, I’m feeling: “I am Light” by India Arie.

How do you hope to make a difference in the world?

I hope to continue to raise awareness on the dangers of never healing from your past pains.  How not healing can destroy your life and your inner-beauty, which in my opinion, is the most important type of beauty to have.  After-all, make-up counters can’t sell you forgiveness, love, self-worth, emotional freedom, or healing.  Only a healed heart will give you these things.

Fill in the blank: “The most amazing thing about my life is _______________.”

After all that I have been through, I’ve still retained my super-power of the ability to love.

Thanks, MelissaRoshan. We are stronger with you in our sisterhood!

MelissaRoshan, also known as MelRo, is a model, advocate and a speaker. Find out more about her on her website: www.melrosvoice.com.