How did you get connected with The Fatherless Daughter Project?
I was doing some personal researching on the topic of fatherlessness and came across the website.

Can you tell us in a few sentences about your personal story of father loss?
My father died when I was 3 years old. I never knew him. I have no personal memories of him so for me it is more about a void than a loss. He was diagnosed with leukemia in 1966. I was born in 1968 while his cancer was in remission. In January 1971 his cancer came back. He died in March 1971.

What has been the biggest challenge being fatherless?
The only man I have ever needed left while I still needed him. I was 5 when a woman told me that my father was needed in heaven, that’s why God took him. Impossible, I thought. There is no way God needs him more than me. At 8, I graduated to long beseeching prayers to bring him back to me. Asking to trade years of my life for just one with him. Feeling it became too much and I just shut down. What I didn’t realize was emotions aren’t compartmentalized that way. If I shut out grief, joy would be shut out too. My biggest challenge was coaxing my spirit back out and learning to really feel and be connected to my emotions.

What has helped you to survive?
I’ll be honest, about 50% of the things I used to survive the grief as a child ended up making me sick as an adult (detachment, avoidance, numbing). If I wanted to really live a beautifully connected life, I would have to learn to be present in the moment, feel my grief, stop running, tell the truth and love myself. Tall order. Exchanging my old coping skills for more healthy behaviors has been a process. A process for which I will be forever grateful. Now I thrive.

Is there a special person(s) in your life that has helped you find healing?
The women in my life have healed me. My mother has been my constant and I surrounded myself with insightful, loving, and wise women.

Where do you shine?
I shine when I’m sharing my journey with someone who needs to hear it. That gives my journey purpose and deep meaning.

What would you tell your younger self?
You are enough.

If you could have a theme song, what would it be?
“Orange Sky” Alexi Murdoch would be my theme song. It’s a haunting song about an emotional journey guided by inspiration. While the journey is internal and deeply personal, the road is lined with “brothers and sisters” also searching for healing/freedom. The sun is setting, the pain is leaving, the sky is orange. Salvation is here. A new day symbolizing a new beginning.

How do you hope to make a difference in the world?
Ultimately, I would like to create a program to help fatherless daughters heal. I’m not sure what that is at the moment but I hold the intention in my heart and pray for a strength to execute it.

Fill in the blank: “The most amazing thing about my life is _______________.”
that I feel comfortable in my skin despite the grief. It’s all I ever wanted.

Thank you, Leigh Ann. We are blessed to have you in our sisterhood!

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How did you get connected with The Fatherless Daughter Project?
I connected with the Fatherless Daughter Project by conducting research for Fatherless Daughters on the Rise. It was through a google search that lead me to such an insightful and positive movement that paralleled with my work.

Can you tell us in a few sentences about your personal story of father loss?
My story of being fatherless began at birth. My father to this day has never acknowledged or accepted me as his daughter. In my early years it was not as near as painful as it became as an adult. Through my pain I discovered more of Jesus Christ and have learned no matter how you become fatherless, God will always be a father to the fatherless. I have learned rest in that.

What has been the biggest challenge being fatherless?
The biggest challenge has been not knowing my value as a young woman. As a result that has lead me down the roads of all of what statistics reflect about single parent households raised by single moms. Teen pregnancy, failed marriages, etc. Little did I know through my strife a leader would be born.

What has helped you to survive?
There have been two very important structures in my life that has helped me survive being fatherless. First God Almighty himself and my family. I have been blessed with amazing children, a strong mother and phenomenal aunts and extended family who have all help keep me grounded In faith.

Is there a special person(s) in your life that has helped you find healing?
Again my God father has helped find healing, peace and confidence in knowing who I am and what he created me to be.

Where do you shine?
I shine in helping others. My ministry Fatherless daughters on the Rise is geared to helping young woman avoid the pitfalls I did by creating avenues in finding ways to live in the highest expression of themselves.

What would you tell your younger self?
I would tell my younger self to have a personal relationship with God our Father and know his promises and his grace shall always be enough. Secondly, I would tell my younger self to educate yourself on the statistics and know you are not defined by statistics or what the world says rather rest in knowing you are created and designed for greatness. Understand and know all is well.

If you could have a theme song, what would it be?
Theme Song: Well I have a few. Roar by Katy Perry, Break every Chain by Tasha Combs and Take me to the King by Tamela Mann.

How do you hope to make a difference in the world?
I hope to make a difference by continuing to plant seeds in my own family, community and across the world by helping women and children of fatherless families. My difference is continuing to give my time, talent and treasure to help those in need. As the great Ghandi says “Be the change you wish to see in the world”. I have created Fatherless Daughters on the Rise an organization that will pay it forward to women and children of fatherless daughters ensuring their education, self-confidence, and quality of life.

Fill in the blank: “The most amazing thing about my life is _______________.”
The most amazing thing about my life are my children or shall I say “my 4 kings”. I have been fortunate enough to give birth to 4 kings. Leaders of the next generation. For that I am most proud and thankful to the most high God’s everlasting love and grace.

Thank you for this wonderful opportunity and God bless your fatherless daughter project.

Thank you for sharing your beautiful words and inspiring story with us, Angela. We are blessed to have you in our sisterhood!

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“I am a strong believer that your pain helps birth your purpose … NEVER give up.” ~ Stephanie “Alyrical” Gowdy

 We would like to introduce Stephanie “Alyrical” Gowdy, a woman who has beautifully combined talent, heartache and love to create beautiful writings for for other fatherless daughters as well as extraordinary works of art. We were touched by her honesty and bravery despite life’s obstacles and hope that you can also find hope and healing in her story.

How did you get connected with The Fatherless Daughter Project?

I am a blogger who writes about the fatherless epidemic, and during my search to find other sites and organizations to connect with, I came across The Fatherless Daughter Project on Facebook. I have been connected ever since.

Can you tell us in a few sentences about your personal story of father loss?

I always knew who my father was, but at the age of 5, my mother left my father and he left me at the same time. Although he walked out of my life, he always managed to make random appearances to give me false hope, run down my self-esteem, and emotionally and verbally abuse me. He broke me.

What has been the biggest challenge being fatherless?

He broke me. Growing up I could never understand how he could treat me the way he did, and why he couldn’t love me. It was a hard pill to swallow, because it seemed that so many of my friends had loving father-daughter relationships, which only made my void feel bigger.

The abuse, of course, only made it worse and left scars that I don’t know will ever completely go away. I grew up and came to the realization that he was just selfish … but that did not mean that the struggle stopped. I still longed for the ‘normal’ father-daughter bond that I would never receive.

‘Transparency’ – Original art by Stephanie “Alyrical” Gowdy

What has helped you to survive?

Art and my faith saved my life. When I was young, my mother helped cultivate my interest in art, and it became my survival mechanism as well as a way for me to express myself without words. That was, until I was diagnosed with an eye disease that caused me to go from having okay vision to being legally blind in months. But through my faith, I have still been able to create and use my talent to help express myself and inspire others.

Is there a special person in your life that has helped you find joy or healing?

There have been multiple people that have helped me overcome. My mother did her best to help me and raise me to best of her ability, but she knew she couldn’t do it alone so she always made sure there were positive male role models in my life. Now that I am older, I still falter sometimes when it comes to dealing with my dad, but my husband, Michael, has saved me time and time again to remember and understand, that no matter what, it is not my fault who my father is. While I can pray for him … I personally can’t change him.

Could you elaborate on the male role models in your life?

Yes – A majority of them where family members, one that I was and still am closest with is my cousin, Peter Hunter, who actually gave me away on my wedding day. Peter has been more like a big brother to me over the years. He has always been there to support me and wipe away my tears.

I remember when I approached him to give me away on my wedding day. Of course, he accepted … but not before he had a talk with me about how this would definitely impact the relationship between my father and me. And he said that if I changed my mind – at any time – he would be ok.

Stephanie with cousin, Peter, at her high school graduation

Peter is always there to guide me – in his loving manner – and tell me when I am heading down the wrong path. No matter what is going on in his world or mine, he can always put a smile on my face. I have been through some crazy things and gone to do some stupid things, but Peter is always there to talk to.

Also in my life was Peter’s Dad, Uncle Noel. I used to spend a majority of my summers in Memphis with him and the rest of the family. But my senior year of high school, I moved in with them, and Uncle Noel and Auntie Marcia (his wife) became my legal guardians. Uncle Noel was a true role model for what a father and husband should be. He was a leader, not only at church, but in his household as well. He drove me to school every morning, and during our drive we would always catch up and talk about anything and everything. That year I spent with them changed my life for the better.

Lastly, but definitely not least, was my dad’s brother, Uncle Mike. Whenever all the craziness was going on with my dad,Uncle Mike was always there to remind me that it was not my fault, while at the same time trying to mend the relationship with my dad. If my father and I ever needed a mediator, Uncle Mike was it.

Where do you shine?

My art is my world, as I said, I wouldn’t have survived without it. And now that I am legally blind, it means 10 times more to me. One of my favorite Bible verses comes from Proverbs, and it says “Where there is no vision, people perish.” That verse never meant more to me until after my diagnosis. Even if I one day lose my sight all together, I will always have my INNER vision.

What would you tell your younger self?

That is going to be OK. Whenever something used to happen between my father and me, it felt like the end of the world to me, and I would cry hysterically. But now that I am older and understand and accept him for who he is, I am able to move forward and not break down like I used to.

‘Untitled’ – Original art by Stephanie “Alyrical Gowdy

If you could have a theme song, what would it be?

“I Get Out” by Lauryn Hill.

How do you hope to make a difference in the world?

There is so much I hope to do. I am a very strong believer that your pain helps birth your purpose. Through my blogging and my art I want to help inspire our youth and other adults that have been through similar situations. I want to help encourage others so they know they are not alone – like how I felt. I hope that through my story and my testimony people realize to NEVER GIVE UP!

Fill in the blank: “The most amazing things about my life is______________________.”

“My VISION.”

Stephanie’s beautiful wedding day to husband, Michael.

Please visit Stephanie “Alyrical’s” blog page to learn more about her and see her extensive collection of original artwork at www.unstablecradle.com .

Thank you, Stephanie!

If you are interested in being our Featured Daughter of the Month, please email us for more information.

The post May 2014: Stephanie appeared first on The Fatherless Daughter Project.

 We would like to introduce Rebecca Fraiz, a woman who wants to inspire others through her story of survival, growth and self-expression. She has indeed inspired us with her artwork and her beautiful reflections on how to lead a life of meaning, despite not knowing one’s father.

We hope you will also be encouraged and touched by her words in this interview:

How did you get connected with The Fatherless Daughter Project?

Through Facebook.  I saw a link that had the “Fatherless Daughter Project” and it applied to me and so  I followed the link.  I am grateful for this project because it has helped me feel valued and empowered by the things shared on the site.

Can you tell us in a few sentences about your personal story of father loss?

My parents were divorced, and we did not have any connection with my father throughout my life.  I didn’t understand what happened nor did I realize the impact of the loss until later in life.

Rebecca’s Self Portrait

What has been the biggest challenge being fatherless?

The biggest challenge I had when I was growing up was having a continual “empty” feeling.  A feeling that I was missing out on something very important – something that it seemed like most people had.

As much as I tried to “stuff” my emotions about the loss, Father’s Day was always a reminder of what I did not have (the relationship of a “Daddy’s girl”).  For many years, when people would asked me if I missed not having a dad, I would say, “How could I miss something that I never had?”

In addition of being “fatherless,” with regards to a relationship, it also meant being without other things.  For my family initially it meant living in poverty for many years of my childhood.  And the domino effect of being fatherless became bigger than “just” not having a father.  It also meant a host of other life impacts throughout my life (i.e., how I felt about myself, relationships with others, trust, etc.). 

What has helped you to survive? 

My faith in God has brought me through many storms in my life, and God has never left my side. I have always looked for a “sign” that would help me believe that He was with me.  By that, I mean something outside the ordinary that I could attribute to His hand and/or love in my life.  It could be through a person, a book, a movie, a song, a saying, a small gesture from someone, or something happening out of the ordinary.

Because of this attribution, I would be strengthened no matter what circumstances happened in my life, and I could “make it” to the next day, and so forth.  I didn’t know this, but I had trained myself to always look for the GOOD in a situation and I usually found it when I was looking, no matter sometimes how bad it was.

I also learned about the “seed” concept.  Whatever you “plant” in life will produce whatever is planted. I had to change my perspective on how I viewed life and the decisions and choices I would make.  I had to view life as a “gift” and not from being “without”.  This was really hard for me and I had to face truths about myself and all the ways I was impacted from being fatherless.  This is a work in progress every day!

Rebecca’s painting highlighting the value of being divinely created and worthy of love.

Is there a special person in your life that has helped you find joy or healing?

There are four special people in my life that have helped me throughout the years.  My oldest sister, who was a second mother to me; my middle-school teacher, who took me under her wing and guided me through my rough teen years; and my two close friends, who have always been there for me.

Where do you shine? What is your top talent(s)?

I shine at work.  I have worked for my company for over 21 years and have worked various jobs throughout the company, showing growth through each position.  I am a writer, and I create quotes from my life experiences – someday I will write a book.

I am also an Artist at heart!  I love to create.  It has helped me express my inner self, and I love to share my art with others.  My artwork has consisted of:  photography, calligraphy, ceramics, former glass blowing and recently, since June, I started painting.

What would you tell your younger self?

I would tell my younger self not to be afraid, that she is not alone and that she is worthy of love and kindness all of her days.

If you could have a theme song, what would it be? 

My theme song would be “After the Rain, Seek the Rainbow.” (A title Rebecca wrote herself.)

How do you hope to make a difference in the world?

Recently, my daughter gave me a card and in it she wrote to me: “You lift others up through your talents.”  I hope to be this in the world – to make a difference by feeding the soul through my art and my writings.

Fill in the blank: “The most amazing things about my life is_______________________.”

“That I am a survivor.”

I have overcome many odds through faith and help from others.  I have an amazing family, friends and community.  I have a job that is challenging and that I also enjoy.  I am always learning, growing and healing.  I am a creator, and I love expressing myself through art and writing.

Rebecca’s beautiful painting of a hummingbird in flight.

Thank you, Rebecca!

If you are interested in being our Featured Daughter of the Month, please email us for more information.

The post April 2014: Rebecca appeared first on The Fatherless Daughter Project.

One, two, three. Check, check.

Hello, world!

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